If Only For A While...

The waves thrash violently upon my small sailboat, along with the ferocious wind which slaps at my sails like a drum. Nervously, I stare at my sails as they are mocked and bent endlessly by the wind. "One of them is sure to tear," I think to myself, a nervous wave of anxiety making its way to my stomach. My sweaty fingers clutch to the small lamp in my hand, like a small child hangs on to a stuffed animal in fear. The dim light makes hardly a difference compared to the pitch black sky which swallows everything in its path, whole. But I hold on to it anyway. It is my only source of comfort.

Here in this lost world I've found myself at, the sky is black, the waters are black, and the ice cold winds howl like misplaced souls begging for a way out. Every way I turn, a new force of wind pounds at my face, running through my hair, tearing away at my conscience. "We are here," they seem to say. "Lead us where the sun shines."

Oh I remember that place. That lovely place somewhere far away, where grassy hills rolled peacefully across sun filled lands. Where ground was solid and you could walk a mile in the sunrise while birds sang wonderful songs around anyone who cared to listen. But here, here there are no hills or solid ground, or grass, or light. That is why the lost souls look to me for help. I carry light in my hand. "She has light, she must know the way out," They think. But I know nothing.

Desperation floods my entire body as I look for a way out. I look for some other source of light, something that could save my pride as a sailor. But there is nothing. Nothing but my boat and pitch black water. The waves grow larger, rocking my small boat violently. I grip on to the sides of the boat in an attempt not to fall off, but my fingers only slip from the moisture of the walls. Terrified, I look for something to hold on to as the boat thrashes wildly in the water. I grab onto the thin wooden mast. It cracks with the pressure of my body. The mast, along with the weak sails fall down. The boat flips over.

Panicking and sputtering with the sea water at my lips, I grab hold of the boat which is now completely reversed. My lamp, surprisingly, is still lit as I grab it in my hand. I soon find myself slipping. The bottom of the boat is slick. I fall. The lamp hits the water and the light goes out. I am drowning in the darkness of the water, the wind angrily attempting to tear my body into pieces. I am slipping further under the surface...

Maybe... Maybe I'm just one of them... I'm just a howling lost soul, looking for a way out just like they are. Perhaps I never was a good sailor. Perhaps I wasn't really a sailor at all. But a stroke of wind trying to disguise my helplessness with pride. But it isn't true. There is no door. There is no way out. There is no sailor. And light only appears in dreams. But... for a while... maybe the winds can learn to belong in that place. And maybe the sailor can learn to belong with the wind. If only for a while...